


To love or not to love

by Fanficwriterwannabe



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Boyfriends, Haikyuu - Freeform, M/M, Oblivious Iwaizumi Hajime, Pining Oikawa Tooru, a bit canon?, other characters will be added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-12
Updated: 2018-04-12
Packaged: 2019-04-22 01:38:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14297928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fanficwriterwannabe/pseuds/Fanficwriterwannabe
Summary: IWAOI where Oikawa loves Iwaizumi so much he doesn't know what to do anymore.





	To love or not to love

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, Hi! I am a fanfic writer wanna be, a diva in the bathroom and I love IWAOI~
> 
> This is my first time writing Iwaoi so apologies if this is a bit...cliche? or if this has already been done...Please still give it a chance and comments and suggestions are always welcome.
> 
> Thank you for giving me a chance! <3

"Let's end this, Oikawa. You do remember that this was supposed to be a one-time thing, right?"

Oikawa's smirk falters but he was able to mask it with a cool smile before shrugging. He looks at Hajime, standing near the bed, naked and perfect, body illuminated by the ray that's coming from the moon outside. Of course Oikawa remembers, how could he forget his first time with Hajime? It wasn't anything cliche, it wasn't raining or snowing or anything like that. It was 7 pm, it was hot, it was fucking summer and it was after Hajime's class. To make it short, Hajime came home to him masturbating in the living room. Apparently, Oikawa was too caught up in the moment he didn't even hear his best friend come in.

Thinking about it now, it was hilarious. They were both beet red and rambling excuses, it was the reddest Oikawa ever saw Hajime. After a few seconds of staring Hajime stepped forward, kneeling beside the sofa where Oikawa is. By this time Oikawa is already facing the other way, trying his damn best to right his boxers without falling on the floor, so he didn't have any idea that Hajime was too close for his own good.

"Oi, I can help you...if...but only if you want, Assikawa," Hajime coughs, face still red.

Oikawa turned so fast he felt dizzy (he's just not sure if it was because of the sudden turn he made or if it's because of what Hajime said) and came face to face with a blushing Hajime.

Oikawa and Hajime has been friends for as long as they can both remember. They practiced volleyball together, got in the team together and after high school they both got a place for themselves in Tokyo that's only a few minutes ride to Hajime and Oikawa's school. Not much to everyone's surprise, Oikawa got recommendations and was able to be a setter for the national team. Of course, Hajime got recommendations too but all of them was too far from Tokyo and he will not (ever!) admit it to Oikawa but he will never go too far from where Oikawa is (Oikawa knows about this tiny detail because Hanamaki can't stop babbling about what Hajime told him once after practice, joking and laughing with Matsukawa). Oikawa needs someone to anchor him and keep him from doing shitty things.

Everyone knows it. They both know it. Oikawa fucking knows it too. So Hajime chose to go to Uni and get a degree on Sports therapy. He wants to help athletes.

(Everyone knows Hajime wants to help Oikawa.)

"Of course I do, Iwa-chan!", squeezing his eyes shut for a moment, "I'm too smart and too young to easily forget things," Oikawa replies, getting up from the bed and searching for his clothes carefully avoiding Hajime who's standing near the bed and getting dressed. He thinks they're somewhere in this room, somewhere in Hajime's room. Or was it in the living room?

Oikawa knows he seriously needs to get away from here before he bursts into tears. He feels Hajime's gaze on him but shrugs it off, completely focused on getting dressed and leaving. Hajime's room, much to Oikawa's surprise has always been neat. There's a hamper for dirty clothes near the closet, books neatly stacked in the desk near the only window in his room and his bed is always tidy like Hajime doesn't even use it.

What stands out most in his best friend's room is a picture frame. A picture of both of them in their graduation gowns from high school. Standing side by side and both their arms on each others shoulders. Hajime flashing on a blinding smile and the brown-haired boy looking at his ace, lovesick smile on his face.

Oikawa finally finds his alien-themed boxers near the door and bends down to put it on himself.

"Oikawa."

By now, Oikawa knows Hajime is sitting on the bed. Watching him prance and search for his shirt and then after a few seconds, he would relax more, using his arms to lean on the bed and just sit there. Just like how he is whenever they take a break on studying.

Oikawa doesn't answer, too busy on putting his fucking shorts on. Forget the shirt, Hajime can keep it for all he cares.

"Tooru," Hajime calls, much softer now.

Oikawa feels his insides melt at the sound of his nickname so he turns to Hajime (not the least bit surprised when he finds him sitting on the bed), flipping his hair and plastering a smile on his face, "What is it, Iwa-chan? I still have to do my nightly routine before going to bed. That korean skin care routine takes me so long to fini-"

Hajime grins, not the scary smile he always gives Oikawa, "I know, Shittykawa," he pauses and slightly tilts his head to the right, "We're fine, yeah?"

Oikawa smiles at that and stares at Hajime, that smile Oikawa loves still spread on his lips. It was dark in the room, the only source of light is the rectangle light made by the curtains and the moon outside. It gives a soft ambiance in the room, perfect for a final goodbye to making love to his ace, his best friend and the person Oikawa loves so much.

Hajime is staring at him and Oikawa knows, he knows his best friend is looking for something in his expression so he steels himself and smiles.

Leave it to Hajime to ask obvious things like this.

"Of course, Iwa-chan. Why wouldn't we be?" Oikawa sighed, shoulders slumping and was about to turn and leave the room when he caught sight of the box of condoms on Hajime's night stand.

Oikawa doesn't know when it started, how it exactly happened but he loves Hajime. Not platonically, not brotherly. But really, really love him. And he didn't want this to end like this. Ah, shit.

The things you do for love.

Oikawa musters up the courage from deep within him and cocked his hip seductively, "How many condoms do you still have, Iwa-chan?"

Hajime goes red again and was obviously confused but he still moved, strong hands reaching for the box, "Ten. I still have ten here. What the fuck are you thinking, Shittykawa."

"Iwa-chan! You still have ten! You know, you bought that specifically for this 'one-night stand' with me, right? It's not like you have anyone else you'd use that, right?"

Oikawa fucking hopes he doesn't have anyone else.

"So? What's your point, Assikawa."

It doesn't go unnoticed by Oikawa that Hajime did not answer whether he has someone or not but Oikawa chose to ignore this and fucking dealt with it. He's pretty sure his Iwa-chan doesn't have anyone else.

Right?

"You need a new insult, Iwa-chan. Those are getting old."

"Ugly hag, your point?"

"Rude! After I gave myself to you even if you were such a brute!"

"You secretly like it. Now your point?"

Oikawa crosses the room, heart thumping and shoulders tense, silently thanking Hajime that he's moving without tripping into anything since the room is so tidy, makes sure to do it sexily and sits on Hajime's (strong, muscular, sexy) lap with his legs on either side of Hajime. He laces his hand on Hajime's hair while the other is on Hajime's bare chest.

It took a moment for Hajime to react but there was an electric feeling that went straight to Oikawa's groin when Hajime placed his hands on his waist, playing on the exposed skin and he suppresed the urge to moan.

Down boy, you literally just came a few minutes ago.

"Let's keep on doing our one-night stand thing until we used up all ten condoms," Oikawa breathes, his voice lowering automatically. Hajime leans in a bit and Oikawa feels like his heart would burst its way out of his chest.

This is the most intimate they've ever been, and if Oikawa wasn't in a mission to seduce his best friend he would've blushed and smile so hard his face would hurt.

It's always rough, don't get it wrong, of course Hajime still treats him with care and never just plunges in. Hajime is still gentle when it comes to him but they've never really took their time. After the deed's done, they both clean-up themselves and then Oikawa leaves the room. It's always like that.

It has been like that for the past three months. And somewhere along those days, or even way before that...Oikawa fell for his best friend.

\----

"So let me get this straight," Kuroo starts, mouth full of chips, "Iwaizumi doesn't want you anymore?"

"Tetsu-chan! Don't say it over and over again! You're hurting me!"

They were at Kuroo's apartment. Bokuto's head on Akaashi's lap and Kuroo and Oikawa on the floor. Bottles of beer, empty and half-full, on the table in front of them with the TV playing in the background.

Kuroo's apartment is in a few blocks away from Oikawa's and this is where he usually goes when he needs a bit of consoling, not that he would ever tell Kuroo that. They're all assholes, but they're also a big help (again, not that Oikawa would ever let them know that).

Kenma and Kuroo got together just before highschool graduation and soon after, Akaashi and Bokuto followed. It wasn't anything dramatic, Kuroo asked Kenma then the latter just gave Kuroo a deadpan look saying, "Weren't we already dating eversince we knew what the word 'dating' meant?". As for Akaashi and Bokuto, surprisingly, it was Akaashi spilling his feelings that got them together. Bokuto gawked at the red-faced Akaashi, and when Bokuto didn't make any move, Akaashi had to revive him through a kiss.

Kenma and Kuroo rented a place together after high school, the same with Akaashi and Bokuto whose apartment is in the same building as Kuroo's. As per Kenma and Akaashi's stories, it's exhausting when Kuroo and Bokuto bumps into each other in the elevator and starts a series of Hey hey heys which turns into a series of Oya oya's.

Oikawa feels envious sometimes, how they can have the love story he so fuckingly wants to have. He deserves some romantic love, right? Oikawa knows he's a bit too much of an ass sometimes but he still deserves to have what Kuroo and the others have.

Yes, he did have his fair share of girlfriends and admirers but it's different. It's not what Oikawa wants.

"It feels different because you already have someone you like."

Oikawa remembers Kenma's words. This was the first time Oikawa came in to Kuroo and Kenma's apartment (although the couple always invited him and Hajime), disheveled and wet from the rain. It was after a month of his one-night stands with Hajime, and Oikawa admitted to himself that he wants this...he wants whatever they have to be so much more than just fucking. Kuroo was the one who opened the door, smug smirk on his face but when he realised Oikawa didn't have his normal face on, he smiled softly before ushering Oikawa inside and asking Kenma for a towel.

Kenma emerged from somewhere, slipped the towel on Oikawa's shoulders and led the way to where the bathroom is. His movements were robotic, taking off his clothes, stepping under the shower and then getting in the tub. The hot water was scalding but it was so damn good to feel it...to dull the aching in his chest. He didn't know how long he was in there, how long he was in the tub until Kuroo knocked, telling him dinner was ready.

When Oikawa got out of the bathroom, he was feeling better and was able to toss some insult on Kuroo and Kenma's curtains. It was the same size of Oikawa and Hajime's apartment, two bedrooms (the other one is used as a guest room seeing as Kuroo and Kenma sleeps together), one bath, kitchen and living room.

"Thanks for the clothes, Kuroo," Oikawa says, sitting on the sofa and petting Shiro, Kuroo and Kenma's black cat.

They turned the tv on, ate ramen and drank beer, Oikawa was sandwiched in the middle of Kuroo and Kenma, blanket thrown over them. It was nice, they didn't ask what happened. They knew Oikawa would tell them when he's ready, and he did, eventually.

"Tell him how you really feel, Oikawa! I did just that and look where I am with Akaashi now! We're so madly in love and together!" Bokuto ecstatically starts, cutting Oikawa in his walk down memory lane.

"Akaashi was the one who confessed, Kou-chan. Besides, it's not that simple. Iwa-chan doesn't like me like that! Obviously, we're not even sure if he really likes men! He's my bestfriend. If I ruin this with a confession, what happens to our friendship? I don't want to lose him completely," Oikawa explains in one breath before draining his can of beer.

"He wouldn't start this with you if he was straight in the first place," Kuroo mumbles but was ignored because of Akaashi's soft advice.

"We know that Oikawa-san, but don't you think you're hurting yourself too much? If you don't want to let Iwaizumi-san know, then why don't you try moving on?" Akaashi says, leaning in to the table to get the bag of chips.

"Keiji is right. Why don't you try going on dates for real now? Why don't you try saying yes to your ace?" Kuroo says, ruffling Oikawa's hair and smiling.

Oikawa swats his hand away, "Tetsu-chan! Not my hair! Do you know how hard it is to fix this. And no! I will never, ever, ever go out with Ushiwaka-chan. He's not boyfriend material and he's my rival eversince he was born. I don't want him near me, unless of course it's volleyball practice or something."

"Then, why don't you try going on blind dates? You never know, you might find someone really interesting who'll get your mind off of Iwaizumi-san," Akaashi butts in.

"I'm home," Kenma's small voice cuts in and Shiro perks up at the sound but doesn't move, typical cat.

Kuroo stands up to greet Kenma, giving the smaller man a kiss on the cheeks and whispering something too quiet for everyone else to hear which turned the latter into a deep shade of red.

"Hey, Kenma-chan."

Kenma muttered a reply before sitting down beside Oikawa, Kuroo came back from the kitchen with a mug in hand and placing it in front of Kenma.

Oikawa stayed quiet, thinking about what Akaashi said. Should he finally try looking for a relationship elsewhere? Oikawa has already thought of that before, that's why he went out with girls. But he's never tried it with his same gender. Maybe he'll be able to find someone?

Oikawa looks at the empty can of beer in his hand, the pads of his fingers wet from the bottle. He doesn't really like drinking beer, but once in a while he thinks he needs it. He's been getting real good at drinking too.

Just until the condom runs out.

Oikawa thinks to himself, opening another bottle before lightly lifting it up. He sees Kuroo staring at him, concern written all over his face, and the clink of beer bottles echoes in Oikawa's head even after it's drowned by laughs and Bokuto's loud babbling.

\-----

Practice was the same. Tiring but not too exhausting, there's going to be a practice match next month and that's what the team is getting ready for. Oikawa made several mistakes while practice and everyone on the court knows he's a bit out of it, he was lucky the coach didn't switch him out. So here he is, at eleven something in the evening, practicing to make up for all the mistakes he made.

Oikawa can't remember how many serves he's done already but there's already a dull ache on his knee and he knows he should stop. But he doesn't, so he bends down, grasps the ball and let's go of another powerful serve. With it came all the stress he's feeling towards Hajime.

There's something about being alone in the gym with only the sound of the ball slapping on his hands and bouncing to the other side of the court. A sense of comfort maybe? Or nostalgia? He has made a lot of memories with just playing volleyball, so much that this sport has taken over his whole life. His mind drifts to Hajime, the first time they've tried playing, then that time they got in the club.

Hajime was also there as much as volleyball.

Oikawa almost feels like rain is gonna pour sometime soon, what with the heavy feeling on his chest. At least, that's what he always sees in movies.

They've done it again last night (not once), Oikawa's sure they still have four more condoms. It's running out, his time with Hajime is running out.

He sends another ball, weaker this time.

Oikawa thinks he should find another apartment and move out. Just so he can move on. How the fuck will he be able to move on if he's still living with Hajime after this one-night stand thing is through, right?

Another ball flies to the other side of the court.

He imagines Hajime bringing in girlfriends if he continues to live with him. And he can't take it. Of course he can't. He's always been weak when it comes to anything 'Iwa-chan'.

Another one, more powerful than all the others. Would anyone think it's petty and dramatic of him to think of Hajime's soon-to-be girlfriend receiving this?

He stops for a moment, hands tightening on the volleyball in his hands. He can feel the drumming of his heart, pulse pounding in his ears and the sweat that's slowly trickling down his forehead.

Fine. Move out it is then.

He blinks back the sting behind his eyes before sending another ball flying. He can feel the pain in his hand, dulling the pain he feels in his chest with the thought of parting with his best friend. The moment he lands on the gym floor, pain erupts from his right knee that sends him on the floor with a loud thud.

"Iwa-chan's going to kill me."

He stays on the cold floor, gently massaging his knee and wincing everytime he feels a jolt of pain. It's completely sore and he's not even sure what time his knee will stop bitching and let him walk home. He remembers this being much more painful than before and maybe he's gotten used to the pain somehow, that's why he can massage it like this. He supposes he can contact Kuroo to help him but the man has already done enough, besides it's a weekend and Kuroo and Kenma might be doing something.

Oikawa makes a plan for the next day to go around the town to look for an apartment. A one-bedroom apartment will do, and he can get a part-time job for the expenses and to get busy on days there's no practice. Somewhere near Kuroo's building will be great. He can do this, he can start again. And maybe, move on and be able to seriously date?

Oikawa lets out a chuckle, he's never imagined himself living alone. He remembers almost burning down their apartment once, and he's been banned from the kitchen by Hajime. He can't cook, so take-out? That's not healthy but that'll do. Just until he learns how to cook.

When they graduated from High school, Oikawa was nervous to start living in Tokyo. He didn't know Hajime was planning on living with him. It was fun, the looking for an apartment, the moving and stuff. It is fun. With Hajime. Everything was fun with Hajime.

Because you love him.

Oikawa's vision blurs, this time he lets the tears fall. Complete with the sobbing and all that shit. The frustration, the envy, the fucking pain on his knee and Iwaizumi Hajime. The pain and the love he feels for someone dense and naive and all the other shitty things you can call Hajime.

"Tooru!"

Hajime's voice echoes in the empty gym and Oikawa was so surprised he forgot about his knee and immediately stood up before cursing and again, falls on the floor.

Oikawa's not sure if it's the pain on his knee or the fact that Hajime knows he hurt his knee again that's making him break into cold sweat.

"Iwa-chan! Hey, are you here to fetch me like a good best friend."

Oikawa is immediately surrounded by Hajime's presence. The smell of the soap and natural Iwa-chan smell Oikawa absolutely loves. Hajime was all over Oikawa, muttering something he can't fully understand.

Oikawa had the chance to notice that Hajime's hair was a bit wet and he smells of the soap currently in their bathroom. Hajime isn't one to use the same soap for his entire life, unlike Oikawa who doesn't buy any other kind of soap, Hajime gets the soap that's cheapest and doesn't bother what it actually smells like. But it works, and besides, Oikawa still smells the natural manly scent of Hajime even with all  
those shitty soaps he uses.

"You absolute shithead! What do you think you're doing! Are you seriously planning on ruining your fucking knee permanently? Look at yourself, you're even crying from the pain!" Hajime scolds him, glaring at Oikawa all the while helping his friend stand, "Are you okay? Does it hurt too much? Do we need to call an ambulance," he continues in a softer tone.

Oikawa shuts his lip, lets Hajime think that the tears is all because of this knee.

"Iwa-chan, are you my mom?" Oikawa says breathily.

"Stay here, I'll go get some towel and cool it for your knee," Hajime ignored this comment, gently helping Oikawa sit on the bench, "I'm serious Oikawa, don't you fucking move one bit."

"I know, Iwa-chan," he sighs.

Hajime comes back with a wet towel in hand, by this time Oikawa had already pulled himself together and wiped the snot from his face, Hajime gently placed the towel on Oikawa's knee, "Do you have any idea what time it is?"

"11?" Oikawa replies sheepishly, looking at the towel on his knee and a bit distracted by the coolness and the relief it brought to him.

"It's twelve midnight, Shittykawa. I called Kuroo and the others thinking you might be with them but they said you didn't even go there," Hajime's voice is soft now, muttering for the setter to hold the cool towel on his knee before standing up and moving to tidy up the gym.

Oikawa looks at Hajime picking up the ball one by one. He's wearing the grey jacket Oikawa remembers his best friend once wore on the match of Karasuno and Shiratorizawa, it still fits him well (personally Oikawa thinks it looks so old), Oikawa sees his muscles flex through the jacket and blushes. Once Hajime's finished, he goes to the net, lowers both sides down and folds them neatly. When Hajime returns with a mop in hand, Oikawa speaks up.

"You don't have to do that Iwa-chan. I can stand now," Oikawa moves to stand but was stopped with Hajime's glare.

"Sit the fuck down, Tooru," Hajime says in all seriousness and Oikawa sat the fuck down.

There's only one other time Oikawa saw his best friend angry, and that was when he ruined his knee for the first time. He was too into practicing his serves and being the best that he forgot about everything and just served until he got it. He collapsed on the gym floor back then too, and Hajime was beside him in seconds. Hajime's face was contorted with worry, but he was amasing. He didn't panic, he was there beside Oikawa telling him to stop crying and that everything's going to be fine. And Oikawa, trusting his best friend too much did not panic and stopped crying, waited for Hajime to come back with teachers behind him and coming with him to the hospital.

Hajime finished tidying the gym up and sat back down beside Oikawa, "Are you stressing about the practice match next month?"

"No. Why would I. We're the best team because of me, Iwa-chan. They wouldn't beat us," Oikawa scoffed.

"Then why are you here in the middle of night."

That stopped Oikawa, what should he say? That he's stressing about him? That he's so deep in love with Hajime?

"I'm fine now, Iwa-chan. Let's go home," Oikawa answered, moving his foot experimentally. He's not sure if Hajime will let him off with that but it's not like the setter will tell him anything. Hajime sighs, stands up and slings Oikawa's bag on his shoulders.

"Are you sure you can walk? It's not hurting anymore?"

"Nope, I'm good," Oikawa replies, popping the 'P' to emphasise his point, and in all honesty, makes him seem more like a child.

"You don't have practice tomorrow, right? Stay at home, watch alien movies and shit. I don't have any class tomorrow so I will be there watching over your shitty self since you can't do it."

Oikawa's heart flutters at the thought of watching movies with Hajime. He knows they've done that countless times but the thought still gives him butterflies. He mentally shrugged, thinking he would move the looking for an apartment thing for the next day.

I don't have practice but I wanted to look for an apartment, away from you but not too far. You know, because I'm in love with you and I wanted to save myself and move on and find someone else to be happy with.

"Mean, Iwa-chan! I can, as a matter of fact, take care of myself. You should know that, being the one man who sees me day and night looking as handsome as ever."

Oikawa thinks he's wrong but he wanted to think he saw a soft smile tug on Hajime's lips.

"You drool when you sleep, wake up with a white smudge on your face and a birds' nest as a hair. How can you say you're handsome, Assikawa."

"Rude, Iwa-chan! This is the reason why you don't have any girlfriend."

"I don't have one because I chose not to," Hajime blushed and adjusted Oikawa's bag on his shoulder.

They continued walking in silence, slower than usual because of Oikawa's knees that's still giving the setter a bit of pain. He thinks it’s sweet, the way Hajime slows his pace and everybody knows the latter walks fast even when they're not in a hurry.

Oikawa's too busy thinking of not thinking of the uncomfortable feeling on his right leg and just stared at the ground he's walking on, it was cold and Oikawa's thankful that he did not forget his jacket this time. It was a crappy feeling to go home without a jacket the other day, he was tempted to send a message to Hajime but decided against it and suffered the cold dark night alone.

"Hanamaki and Matsukawa wants to meet up next week. They're coming to Tokyo to look for apartments," Hajime says when they turn towards their street.

"Hmm, sure," Oikawa answers, not bothering to look up.

Hanamaki and Issei, like Kuroo and Kenma, and Akaashi and Bokuto, are together.

Of course, all his friends are happy and in love with their best friend, who actually loves them back, in a romantic, not platonic, not brotherly love.

And of course, Oikawa can't help but feel envious, who fucking wouldn't? He's been in love with Hajime for who-knows-when and he wants to fucking be with Hajime. He wants to do dates, watch movies together, travel, and shit even get married to Iwaizumi fucking Hajime someday.

"Okay, I'll talk to them about the details."

"Let's watch the Alien documentary later, Iwa-chan."

"No. You won't be doing anything but eat then sleep," Hajime answers but they both know where this will lead. Hajime always says no when it comes to movie night but he still gives in.

Oikawa pouts, Hajime smiles and the walk home is comfortable. Almost like nothing is wrong.

 


End file.
